If you’re overwhelmed or stuck on a project, do you find yourself procrastinating or spinning your wheels more than you should? Do you find yourself having trouble asking a colleague, a friend, or family member for a hand when you hit a wall?
Does that fear stem from perceived external sources such as “they are/will:”
really busy with Project X and has no time
in meetings all day and have no time
your “work nemesis”
they’ll probably say “no” anyway
Does that fear stem from potential internal sources such as “you:”
are the only one that knows how to do it right
fear looking weak or incompetent to your peers or managers
don’t trust your coworkers’/family’s/etc. motives
This is when you stop to reflect on the situation you’re in. Often, we see someone who is doing everything right and something tragic happens. They suddenly lose their job. They suddenly go through divorce. Or worse, they lose their life to an accident, overdose, or suicide. What happened? I thought X was the “go-to” person at their job, Y’s marriage was perfect, or Z had their life by the horns? They never asked for help but I would have helped them if I knew they were struggling!
That is the crux of it. If you don’t know there is a struggle taking place everything can seem normal. If you are struggling with a problem you may appear on the outside to have everything under control. Sometimes you have to admit to yourself that you are in over your head before you can admit it to others.
There is no shame in needing help no matter the size of the problem. Don’t be stubborn. Taking the courage to accept and admit that you don’t know what to do will often be recognized by others. If you’ve been there to help others, others will often reach out to help you.
I remember about 15 years ago I was talking to a guy that tended bar in my hometown. He seemed like everyone else. Hard working, personable, devoted to family. He went through a divorce and was taking his kids to school on his days to watch them. I didn’t see him for a couple weeks and one day I asked what happened to him. They told me he committed suicide a few days after the last time I talked to him. I was shocked. Everyone has their struggles with life but this was one of the times where there were no apparent signs to those of us that weren’t that close to him.
That might be an extreme example but I often wonder if there was anything I could have done. Maybe that is a point about life. You see something that shocks you to the core and increases your degree of perception or resolution to the people around you. At the same time, it can be a lesson to reach out before the water is over your head.
This is a short video I had to share. The speaker is Simon Sinek, a British author, motivational speaker, and organizational consultant. The video is about 12 minutes but hits the nail on the head about leadership and being genuine. Who you are is not any single moment but the summation of all the things we do and say over a lifetime.
Getting a certificate does not suddenly turn you into someone else – it is all the events and experience you gained to get to that point. The certificate is a form of validation that you have what it takes to best use that knowledge and experience. There are two big takeaways from getting a degree or certificate in some discipline:
Don’t let having a certificate limit you from doing things beyond what it says you can do
Don’t let the lack of a certificate prevent you from taking your experience to the next level
Experience takes you places that a document can’t. However, a document does open up doors when trying to transition from one role to another. When you know what goal you want, build the map to achieving it. If you don’t know what goal you aspire to achieving, test the waters and get a taste of what it’s about. You may find you really don’t want something you think you’ve been striving for. You may also find that you may be missing out on your real passion.
Find someone that inspires you or is an expert in something you want to try. Follow their example. Seek advice. Read up on it. If you really enjoy it, share your experience with others.
I added a book to the “Recommended Reading” page. The book “Learning to See” by Mike Rother and John Shook is a great tool for value-stream mapping. I recently purchased this book per a recommendation and it will make a handy reference and training aid.
Self-reflection is a wonderful tool. It gives us guidance when looking at where we were, where we think we’re going, and where we (think we) want to be. Part of that road of self-discovery is who you are – not just the “you” at the moment, but the whole you right down to the DNA.
Where did your family come from? What struggles did they endure? Did they struggle in the great Dust Bowl during the 1930’s or take up arms in the American Revolution? Maybe they were pastors of a small settlement in the eastern half of the country when the threat of our everyday pathogens, smallpox, or septic shock were very real and immediate dangers. We hear about car accidents in today’s world but what about death by horse and carriage? Yes, that actually happened to one of my distant ancestors.
Down to the DNA
About a year ago I received an Ancestry DNA kit for Christmas and didn’t get around to activating it until recently. It was on my mind but one of those things where we moved, I was traveling for work, etc. After activating the kit, I did the 2 week free trial and have had a blast digging through my family’s history. After filling out the first few cells of information, I pulled out some old notes I had on the family tree from almost 20 years ago to see how the internet may have helped or hindered the original lineage map. I have to give credit, though – my cousin Shirley (Bemiss) Thompson did an enormous amount of research before I got into it. A lot of what we know about our family tree is because of her dedication to genealogy prior to her passing in 2018.
One of the neatest things about the Ancestry tree maker is the “leaf” they mention in their commercials. If you’ve ever seen the ads, someone started a tree and when they populated a couple names they got their first leaf. It sounds cool, but what does it mean? What is a leaf? My wife isn’t into genealogy like I am, so I gave her a quick explanation.
Ancestry Leaf from Ancestry.com
The leaf gives you a hint that there are records to review that are publicly available on the internet through an array of resources. These can include cemetery records, the US census, other family trees, military records, newspaper articles, etc. It doesn’t always mean a direct hit. You’ll have to do a little sleuthing to determine if a source is accurate or not – or you can mark it undecided to come back to it later.
Mystery and Wonder
One of the biggest mysteries in my family has been around my father’s mother’s side. Her mother, as I recall, grew up in an orphanage in Chicago. Her father was unknown but she had done some digging and got a name. I did, however, connect with someone on her adopted father’s side and found a trove of pictures that were fascinating and opened up some new avenues to explore.
After spinning my wheels for a bit, I decided to explore other branches of the tree. I started finding people’s blogs that had common threads 150-200 years ago. Someone else’s grandmother shared their grandparents’ origins that connected our trees. Nicknames and middle names started to fill in blanks. Cemetery grave stones matched up confirming linkages.
On my mom’s side, I found lineage connected to Otto von Grothaus (aka Groethausen, Grotthuss, or Greathouse). Apparently, he and his family were barons to some part of the Hessen region of Germany before his children came to America. I haven’t delved into this branch of the tree too far as the last name has a lot of variations that could mislead one into Prussia, Sweden, and the Baltic states by accident. I think I’ll wait until my DNA results are back before I spend too much time in the European records.
Cousins Between 1 & n Times Removed
Back on the Bemiss side, Shirley had a short blog and exchanged pictures with other distant cousins. When I reviewed her blog along with a Hartley family blog I stumbled onto a picture of my great-grandfather’s, his brother, and his father.
Bemiss-Hartley Side of the Tree
It’s amazing to think about today’s standards of family compared to back then. Today the average family has 1-3 children. A hundred years ago it wasn’t uncommon to have 8-12 children. Many didn’t survive childhood due to sickness, sepsis from an injury, or even allergic reactions to relatively mundane things like wool.
I’ve been diving down each tree hoping it will unlock more mysteries or connections to my great- and great-great-grandparents’ family. Each iteration has provided a bit of information that carries over to another branch. It occasionally leads to a new picture or story that weeds out incomplete or incorrect information.
What Will Your Legacy Be?
When you look at the vastness of a giant family tree it is almost like looking at the stars. You start to feel tiny in a very large ocean. But, it does lead to some interesting introspection – how do you want to leave your legacy? If someone was going to write a eulogy about you at the end of life, what deeds and accomplishments do you want to be remembered for?
Legacy can feel like a heavy word if you’re in the early to mid stages of life. The years go by quickly and events roll by, stacking on top of each other like library books heading back to the shelf. This is why self-reflection is important. It provides us with the necessary course corrections, large and small, during our journey so we can be remembered the way we want to be remembered.
One of the most valuable ways to learn is by teaching others. It helps you hone your own craft by making you think through the process step-by-step. You learn new analogies to frame a certain point across to your student. And, not every student learns the same way which creates its own challenges. Some students are more hands-on and visual, while others more classroom learners and verbal. This can be the single most rewarding experience to many people.
Teaching as a Teen
I remember some of my earliest experiences with teaching. For me, it was an exciting experience where I could see the learning and growth take place. My first role as student-turned-teacher was in karate as a teenager. As a brown belt, I started to teach the lower belts more regularly while still striving for the next belt. When I received my black belt I dedicated my time at class to teaching others.
College Years
A few years later, my cousin taught me to ski. Even though I was a novice, the next year I tried out for the local ski school, Peek’n Peak, in western New York state to teach. I’ll admit, most of the people trying out were far better skiers than me. I rode the ski lift with one of the managers and she said she saw something in me that made me stand out. I believe that conversation was what won me a place among the other teachers. For the next three years during college I taught mostly at the kids school but I did teach some adult ski lessons in the evenings.
During my senior year of college, I left the ski school to focus on my education. I had a couple elective credits to fill so I asked one of the veteran instructors, Keith Brown, if I could join one of his classes that he taught for my school. He pushed my limits during those few months and showed me that I had the capacity to be a great skier. For that, I will always be grateful.
A Top Transferrable Skill
Years later, in my professional life I get to use those teaching skills frequently. I’ve given classroom lectures for paint and chemical processing accreditations, one-on-one coaching moments on the shop floor, and presenting to management various topics. While you’re in teaching mode, you will be surprised by the questions you get asked. Trust me, you will not always have the answer at that moment. These are the moments you, as the teacher, will learn the most. Sometimes, it may put you on your heels at first but if someone asks you the same question later on you will probably know the answer.
I added a “recommended reading” page here for great books I read along the way. At the moment, the list is short but as I look at my library I’ll continue to add more titles.
Personal and professional challenges allow us to grow. It can be to improve a score, reduce time spent, find a better route, etc. It’s what teaches us what our strengths are and what weaknesses we need to be aware of. Successes teach us what works. Failures give us an opportunity to reflect on why something didn’t work.
A Better Mousetrap… err, Air Conditioner
A couple years ago my wife and I used to live in a townhouse in New Hampshire. We liked the place but we couldn’t install a central a/c unit since we rented. The only option at the time, aside from moving or suffering the summer heat, was to go with a couple window units.
After installing a window air conditioner unit, I gave myself a challenge. I set 3 simple criteria the frame had to meet to be successful:
Safety – make it impossible for it to fall out
Quality – absolutely no bugs or water could come in
Efficiency – make it easy to changeout between seasons
Essentially, I took a home project and used it as an opportunity to broaden a couple skills I hadn’t used in a long time – 3D modeling and woodworking.
Safety
If you were on the street level looking at the townhouse, the 2nd floor rooms were technically three floors from the ground on the back of the building. Essentially, if an a/c unit fell from that height it would kill someone.
In short, I live by Murphy’s Law (if it can happen, it will) so it had to be impossible to fall out when installing or removing it. Applying some engineering and Lean terminology to this, it was an exercise to poka-yoke the process.
Quality
When buying a window unit, I am not a fan of those plastic wings they include. They let bugs in (lady bugs and aphids seem to fit between anything!). They leak air by them. Further, if you see light in the bottom or top of the accordion material it’s not a very good seal. Also, when it rained with high winds a little water breakthrough between the accordion and plastic base was inevitable.
Efficiency
I wanted a solid frame that would go around the unit so the frame did not rely on the window shutting to pin it in place. Moreover, the a/c unit would be installed into the frame with a couple screws to hold it in place and the frame inserted into the window.
Version 1.0 –
The Prototype
After defining what I was trying to achieve, I began measuring everything started building the 3D model. I made a working model of the a/c unit and the window frame.
To clarify (and be fair), I didn’t start out as an engineer and my education wasn’t directly in engineering. I didn’t have a lot of hands-on 3D modeling experience prior. A few years before this endeavor I played around with a software package called Sketchup and mapped out a shed in my backyard when I lived in Erie, PA. That is to say, it was one of those situations where you’re not sure if you have enough room to install something into it and you start drawing with a simple box.
Game On
Subsequently, it turned into a kind of game to me to see what other details I could add to it without breaking the model. With that previous “practice run”, I set out to build something new in virtual space.
Challenge – make an awesome air conditioner frame Criteria – safety, quality, efficiency
After that, using the virtual model for each piece’s dimensions I used the adage “measure twice, cut once” to build the frame and minimize wasting materials. The ledge in the back was for the window to set on. In addition, the ledge was inset by about a ¼” to rest against the vertical window frame. This made it impossible to fall out of the window.
Next, I painted the frame to seal it and help it blend it in aesthetically with the window frame. The prototype performed perfectly. It successfully >kept the bugs out, sealed perfectly against the weather, and easily installed/uninstalled from the window.
I aimed for function over form in this version. Version 2.0 will be prettier.
Ultimately, the first a/c frame was a springboard for the next project. I had a larger window unit for the 4th floor that had a little different problem. The top floor was considerably larger and the temperature upwards of 95+ degrees in the summer . Also, the window was a double and the a/c unit was almost twice as heavy. I had to implement a shelf to balance the weight and keep it from pulling outward too hard on the window frame.
Unfortunately, I took a new job and we moved before I finished building the larger frame. I learned a lot in the process and it made for some great conversations with friends, family, coworkers, and neighbors. As for the next personal building challenges, I am working on a custom piece for a tv and plans for a mini jet engine from a truck turbo.
This week I decided to try something I thought about for a few years. Blogging is something you hear a lot about. People blog about cool new tech, their cat’s latest antics, or some adrenaline fueled escapade like skydiving . As a 40-something engineer/tech/chemist guy it never seemed like something I really considered doing. However, after someone asked me “tell me something that’s not on your resume” I realized what would I say? Would I mention a personal challenge I bested, a quirky anecdote, or rattle off a bunch of professional skills? So, after reflecting on this for a couple days, I thought why not set up a blog to share some of my experiences. Most importantly, maybe it would resonate with others.
So for this first challenge my goal is to write five pieces or stories by the end of February 2019.
Come along with me on this journey and if you have a similar story please share it by leaving a comment.
