If you’re overwhelmed or stuck on a project, do you find yourself procrastinating or spinning your wheels more than you should? Do you find yourself having trouble asking a colleague, a friend, or family member for a hand when you hit a wall?
Does that fear stem from perceived external sources such as “they are/will:”
- really busy with Project X and has no time
- in meetings all day and have no time
- your “work nemesis”
- they’ll probably say “no” anyway
Does that fear stem from potential internal sources such as “you:”
- are the only one that knows how to do it right
- fear looking weak or incompetent to your peers or managers
- don’t trust your coworkers’/family’s/etc. motives
This is when you stop to reflect on the situation you’re in. Often, we see someone who is doing everything right and something tragic happens. They suddenly lose their job. They suddenly go through divorce. Or worse, they lose their life to an accident, overdose, or suicide. What happened? I thought X was the “go-to” person at their job, Y’s marriage was perfect, or Z had their life by the horns? They never asked for help but I would have helped them if I knew they were struggling!
That is the crux of it. If you don’t know there is a struggle taking place everything can seem normal. If you are struggling with a problem you may appear on the outside to have everything under control. Sometimes you have to admit to yourself that you are in over your head before you can admit it to others.
There is no shame in needing help no matter the size of the problem. Don’t be stubborn. Taking the courage to accept and admit that you don’t know what to do will often be recognized by others. If you’ve been there to help others, others will often reach out to help you.
I remember about 15 years ago I was talking to a guy that tended bar in my hometown. He seemed like everyone else. Hard working, personable, devoted to family. He went through a divorce and was taking his kids to school on his days to watch them. I didn’t see him for a couple weeks and one day I asked what happened to him. They told me he committed suicide a few days after the last time I talked to him. I was shocked. Everyone has their struggles with life but this was one of the times where there were no apparent signs to those of us that weren’t that close to him.
That might be an extreme example but I often wonder if there was anything I could have done. Maybe that is a point about life. You see something that shocks you to the core and increases your degree of perception or resolution to the people around you. At the same time, it can be a lesson to reach out before the water is over your head.
